It all started at PSU two years ago on the day when I attended my first Penn State football game. I was bribed in a way- I

A dash is used to indicate an abrupt change in thought or interjection. If you want to connect two complete thoughts without relying on a conjunction, use a semi-colon.

was promised that I could be the Godmother

godmother--Capitalize it only if you are called "Godmother" as your name. Compare "My father went to the store. to "Mom told Father to go to the store."

to my Aunt’s first baby. I was old enough to know what “we are trying” meant when coming from a young married couple. So while there was no baby just yet, one was in the near future.

The following August, my twenty-first cousin was born- Zachary Paul.

Rewrite: "my twenty-first cousin Zachary Paul was born."

I was picked as Godmother. I guess it bothered me a little bit that the only reason I was chosen, was because of that little promise made during our Penn State football weekend. Since then, however, I have really embraced my role as Godmother and love my Godson very much. This is for two reasons. The first being that I was christened Catholic eighteen years ago and have held onto those values ever since, so being a Godmother is a big deal. Number two is that I am crazy about my family- we are a very numerous, Italian-Catholic family. When we get together there is never more love in one room.

These are the two things that I value most in life- my faith and my family.

Rewrite: "life, my faith and my family."

My faith has helped me through many tough times in my life and I hope that it will see me through to the end. As for my “very numerous family”- my

Rewrite: "As for my extended family, my..."

grandmother on my mom’s side had ten children, and all of them went on to have families of their own. My mother is the sixth of the ten and the only child to remain in Pittsburgh with her parents. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. This brings me to the point of my growing up.

I was born in Bethel Park- a small suburb of Pittsburgh,

Use commas to set-off non-essential parts of the sentence.

and in preschool, moved to another small suburb- Peters Township. This is where I have spent the bulk of my life until now. Peters Township is a white-washed community where the only culture that tends to be known is that of American Eagle and Abercrombie. My high school was about as diverse as the cast of Dawson’s Creek.

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I didn’t hate growing up there; it was a great place to grow up. I tried however not to buy into all the popular trends that made most of my peers look more like clones. I tried to find my own style that I like to describe as cheap and comfortable. I like to listen to the oldies- my favorite

Rewrite: "oldies. My favorite"

singers are Barry White, Bruce Springsteen, and The Clarks. I am a Pittsburgh girl through and through- the Steelers are my team. I have always been Daddy’s Little Girl and grew up following the examples of my two older brothers. I love to play Nintendo and watch cartoons, X-Men is my favorite.

In high school I was the typical honors student. I hated settling for B’s, I was a member of National Honors Society, and held various officer positions in clubs at my school. Half way through my graduation ominous rain clouds scared our ceremony inside. At that exact moment, as we walked in stupid robes and funny hats, I realized that the fiasco of moving inside will be the most memorable moment of my graduation. Four years of preparation for one night.

The above phrase is a sentence fragments. Complete sentences require a subject and verb.

I realized at that moment that I was ready for college. No one at PSU cares that I was secretary of International Society, or that I graduated in the top ten percent. I am not sure that I even care. I have always thought that college shapes a person into who she is to be for the rest of her life.

I now reside in South Halls in a supplemental room with three other girls. I am undecided in my major, and really have no idea what I want to do. Penn State is different than anything that I have ever known, and I am ready for all the new experiences and challenges. I hope to leave behind my white-washed roots and really make myself open to the diverse world we live in.


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